This is not Dictatorship. Stop Telling Black Women to Settle

Yeah, stop telling women to settle, you sound tired and desperate. And, it’s unbecoming of a man.

Let’s recap, the Financial Griot podcast exists at the intersection of personal finance, goals, life, and wellness. Sure we talk about money, but as a bonus, we discuss real-time issues that are affecting our community.

Lovely (our other co-host) is suspiciously absent. Turns out, she is busy being the next Oprah with her tech business. And definitely not trying to settle in life. Additionally, now we know we aren’t the Beyonce of the group.

But two out of three are here to issue a PSA cuz this is not a dictatorship. We dissect the most virulent toxic narrative floating on social media aka “the manosphere“. If you aren’t too familiar with it, I’m sure you have seen it. It’s commonly referred to as the Gender Wars. But it’s similar to boys not playing with girls growing up. While the banter was light-hearted at first, it has long since crossed the boundaries of innocent jabs to violence and verbal assaults.

To quote Trump who might get indicted and at the risk of being canceled, “it’s on both sides.” No matter how this gets resolved, we NEED to stop telling Black women to settle. The implication is that we want them to settle for less and less. We NEED to start mentoring and guiding Black boys/men to do more for themselves, their families, and their communities.

Besides, you can’t ask women to submit if you don’t even go to church. It doesn’t make sense.

The Emotional Male and the Problem With Men in Modern Society

To understand how we got here, we need to know what the manosphere is. “The manosphere is an overlapping collection of online men’s support communities that have emerged as a response to feminism, female empowerment, and the alienating forces of neoliberalism.”

When the pandemic of 2020 hit, society was ill-prepared for the proliferation of online activity. In the absence of constant distraction aka the Society of the Spectacle, many bonded over dance crazes and social issues.

As blue-collar jobs ground to a halt, the remote working service sector benefitted and surged. Now post-pandemic, the resolution was one-sided. Women are making more than men in the United States aka Women are winning!

Men are being left behind. The manosphere’s appeal was born. While it can be perplexing, particularly for parents, teachers, or friends trying to make sense of how the men in their lives suddenly adopt aggressively misogynistic views, it is simple. In the modern world, men feel that they aren’t needed or accepted. Masculinity is dead and Empathy is the new currency. Unfortunately, most men were brought up to be empathetically bankrupt.

If you can’t adapt; tell them to settle!

Throughout the history of America, the straight white American man has been the king of the hill. But as society changes and culture evolves, the ground beneath that hill is growing shaky. Economically, physically and emotionally, many American men are fighting to maintain a foothold. They are the men that America is leaving behind.

Let’s start with Peter Pan Syndrome, which describes people who have difficulty “growing up.” 

They may find it hard to manage typical adult responsibilities, such as keeping a job and maintaining healthy relationships. According to Kiley, people with Peter Pan Syndrome behave irresponsibly and display narcissistic personality traits.

They carry a perception of the Demasculinization of America. The America that is too liberal, too soft, and often doesn’t cater to them. These ideologies also bleed into the black community. It’s not uncommon to hear, Black men, yelling that Black women need to settle. In some ways, they feel that the world is now too hard to adapt to and overcome. Additionally, women need to know that they are below average and make less than $50,000. Half of what women say is the minimum

They are afraid of people finding out that they are pushing 35 and broke. As it stands, most can no longer afford the $100 plus casual dinner and date. They live at home and they lack direction.

Where does this leave men?

These feelings of inferiority leave men with one clear choice, evolution. What are women asking for? In the end, it’s merely a partner that stands on principles and can provide for his household. That provision isn’t just limited to money but to time and direction.

You really have to grow up and do the work. If you don’t have it together today. It’s fine. You merely need to work toward something because telling others to settle isn’t working. It only means that you wish for everything to be made easy for you.

Real men accept challenges because life is suffering. The deeper the challenge, the happier you become when you succeed. You should earn what you are worth.

Find the TFG Crew Hosts on Instagram 

• Alainta Alcin – Blogger, Travel and Money Enthusiast @alainta_alcin
• Lovely Merdelus – Entrepreneur and Small Business Growth Specialist @lovelymerdelus
• Lawrence Delva-Gonzalez – Federal Auditor, Blogger, and Tax Specialist @theneighborhoodfinanceguy

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