Getting Pre-Marital Counseling Pre-Engagement is a thing, now?
Wait is (pre) engagement counseling just regular counseling?
There is a lot being said about dating, engagement, and marriage from people who’ve never been successful at either.
A vanity picture of beautiful people at the beach and voila a couple of goals. However, being in a relationship is more than just a picture frozen in time.
It’s a lifetime of change, growth, humility, and service. In this episode of The Financial Griot Podcast, we are introducing Doreen (Lawrence’s Wife)!
Yep, this is a special couple’s episode where we discuss our thoughts on a social media influencer’s position on getting pre-marital counseling in the dating phase.
We dish out our perspectives as newlyweds in hopes that they can add value and levity to your dating, engagement, and marriage. It’s crazy how the dating game has changed, and how challenging/expensive it’s become.
Table of Contents
Doing the work way before the engagement
Before the dating phase, it’s important that you start the deep work of figuring out who you are. Too often, people use the running back approach in life. Pushing through obstacles is a great skill to have (at times), and brute force rarely finesses great character growth.
Take time to establish your purpose and vision. Learn to love your time alone. Process how you can manage stress and your time. Realize that your passion will go a long way to bring you into the environment where you can meet the right person for you.
Come into alignment way before an engagement.
When you find your significant other, understand the difference between like, lust, and love. Learn to listen. Nothing is more wasteful than spending your limited time with someone who doesn’t want to get married.
Moving Beyond Engagement Toward Marriage
As you process all of that, here are other things you need to cover before either of you gets down on one knee.
Do you know each other’s career goals and family structure? Have you considered their spending habits? Is there a plan to take care of the in-laws later in life?
These are the hard questions that you must tackle on the road to a deeper connection. It’s not all fireplaces and travel miles. This is where the real work begins.
We highly recommend having money dates.
And, Slow down. There will be hard days that will require that you learn to do hard things. Embrace them. This is where it gets flashy and fun.
The Engagement is just the Honeymoon to your Working Relationship
So the moment finally came. Photos, friends, family, and tears; and everyone said YES.
It’s surreal and it’s really happening. This is the honeymoon period before planning the big day and the rest of your life. It’s not about the money you will spend on the wedding day. It comes down to how both of you work together.
How you can strike the accord. I had to learn and understand her position and she had to learn how to take my feeling into account. We were better for it.
Here are 18 things to do after getting engaged, according to Brides.com. And here are our top 5 things:
- Take a day to plan out your goals and aspirations beyond the wedding day,
- Pull together all your finances to acknowledge your debts and spending habits,
- Establish friends, strangers, and family boundaries. This isn’t for social media,
- Create a Budget and Family Financial Plan that builds wealth,
- Meditate and Communicate frequently.
Be open and accept that you are flawed and are working toward a better version of yourself in everything. Learning to compromise is key.
Dating – Engagement – Marriage; They are all just Frameworks
While we love being married and do appreciate a good wedding and proposal declaration; it’s important to say that these are social constructs. Marriages started out as conveniences in a harsh world. Either for procreation, protection, or conveyance of wealth, to be in a committed relationship is man-made.
You are by no means bound by these doctrines.
You don’t have to get married. And I’d highly recommend you don’t if you aren’t willing to do the work to maintain one. It’s taxing. Furthermore, being married will require that you don’t act alone.
In a society that currently prides itself on selfish love, Agape love is fleeting. Before you get engaged, do the real work to determine what time of union you want to be in or if you want to be in a union at all.
Because what is an engagement if you aren’t in love with the journey itself?
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