Disclaimers upfront…

1. Before anyone gets triggered, just know that this article isn’t primarily about you or your friends, and your love for all things culinary. For the love of brunch, I’m a guy who has over 20 million views on Google Maps, primarily related to food and restaurants – I’m squarely among you or even more bougie (hacked truncation of the word Bourgeoisie).

2. I love numbers and because of how my brain operates, I get intrigued. Ever since I came to DC, I had a nagging feeling that all of these numbers don’t add up (for us) and in turn, adds up to quite a *brunch (bunch – see what I did there) for someone else. So let’s do it for the culture and let’s run the numbers.

For the Culture!

I arrived in DC back in December 2013. I figured rent wouldn’t run more than $600-$750. One of my friends laughed at me. I think she might have even cried laughing that night.

The lowest rent available for me (1bd/1bath) in Alexandria, VA was $1,000. Like some kind of mob; they wanted the first month’s rent, a security deposit, and the last month’s cut. That’s a total of $3,000 plus $10 for parking. *Street parking at my own complex. Parking which was NOT GUARANTEED by the way (they could have thrown that in for Free). Follow it up with Comcast and Utility deposits, I was hurting. I couldn’t afford furniture until 2 months later. With my last check from the old job and the new check from the new job delayed for a month, I wasn’t solvent for 3 winter months. Poverty was real.

And it was so cold!

That first week, I was invited to my first DC dining experience at a Latin Fusion Restaurant (insert fancy name) with “professionals”. I was a grown-up now; this was my moment. I made it. I didn’t order much. One tapas trio and one regular drink; no more than $20-$25. With lame jokes and a convo more artificial than the sweetener, the rest of the squad poured over multiple orders of tiny tapas, and expensive watered-down cocktails. One lady who I still remember until this day (eye squinting) stated: “we should order dessert”. I knew then something was afoot. When the waiter came back with the check, someone had the nerve to say split the entire order EQUALLY. TF!!!!!

Acting calm, I took out my credit card and was charged $75 plus a mandatory tip. For a table of 8, we paid $600 minimum.

I needed it for groceries. Secondly, I was still hungry. This was a painfully slow and terrible lesson.

I was making $64k but I was still very poor. My intro to DC Brunch Culture. (On another occasion) I would go on to attend two-day parties that ended up at the same location? Seriously how? It seems that people only party in one location.

When it was all over, I spent $150 and I still don’t remember why. For a group of 9-10, we paid at least $1,000 for the weekend. For the Culture!

Fortunately, things worked out!

I learned to live by my own creed and on my own terms. Additionally, I learned to cook on par with average spots (my opinion of myself lol). Thirdly, I have alcohol on deck at the crib if I need to get wasted. I ventured to better restaurants. Made do with DC Restaurant Week (winter one in January or February/summer on in August – syncs with my google calendar) specials and have yet to attend any more brunches –> mainly because people stop inviting me. (Jerks – lol, I would have declined)

There’s a Burger Week and an Even a Cocktail Week. Since we can’t quite avoid going out.

The Numbers

So at this point, you can see the numbers adding up. You either get where I’m going with this, or you are thinking, “Stop being cheap, we are having fun.” To that (my friend) I say, we are. I’m just running the number for my own kicks. Bare with me a bit more.

Brunch wasn’t a thing until recently.

Brunch did not get critical until Sex in the City, circa 2004 see google trends graph above (Twin spikes in Spring, Easter and Mother’s Day).

What was once an event reserved to lavish moms with chocolate, crummy scrambled eggs, questionable toast, and Sunday’s best, turned into a subculture phenomenon?

Like all things pop culture; young women with faux disposable income in their college years (fueled by student loans and access to credit), spent money making Brunch a permanent fixture. The guys, with nowhere to go to meet women during those hours, rolled up their seer-sucker pastels (or wore tighter shirts from last night’s gym session) and joined in. With Celebrity worship at a fever high, the Brunch table became the altar and the chairs, the pulpit. Sadly, the decline of actual Church attendance led to Sunday brunch that peaked and morphed its way to Saturday (I’m sure it’s offered on Friday by now).

Restaurants shifted their hours to compensate and get money! While food presentation became HIGHLY recommended. Anything new or outlandishly-sugary translated into clicks and fanfare; the best form of publicity.

I still remember getting up at 10:00 AM for a mad dash to McDonald’s for breakfast that ends at 10:30 AM. Beyond that Denny’s and IHop ran the block.

The Money

Milk and Honey ⇠ which I highly recommend by the way. Their Top Ten menu reads: Lobster, Egg, & Cheese Croissant – $19, Seafood Burger Croissant – $18, Crab Cake Benedict $19, Jumbo Smothered Chicken and Biscuit – $15 (it was so good, featured on the right), Award-Winning Shrimp and Grits – $18, Basic Pancakes – $7, Basic French Toast – $8, and Strawberry Shortcake – $9. You are spending nothing short of $10.

For bottomless mimosas– specials run at least $40+. And beg and pray that it isn’t watered down. Some joints like Johnny Pistolas offer drinks starting at $15. While all-you-can-eat buffets offer an average of $30/per person minus drinks. A party of 4 clocks in around $100+ per visit. That’s about $25/per person.

“That’s nothing. We earned it! It’s only $25. You mad you can’t sit with us!”

There are plenty of seats but OK!

No one can take that from you. We are merely running the numbers. On top of the cost for foods/drinks; we can add parking (and parking tickets), gas, clothing (because you can’t just look like you are trying to eat), the high-quality phone to get all the angles, and voila. The numbers start to tip the scale.

• $25/per person-times maybe 20 brunches for the year (just for a few meals). That’s $500. Well, multiply it by a packed house every Saturday/Sunday with upward to 280,000 (40% of the population of DC). Now we are cooking up, $7 million annually. *That’s around $2.75 million for young black professionals in the DMV. While this is not an indictment or a Smollett investigation, we are simply grabbing some facts and projecting them on a group to see “if the numbers make cents”.

Bottomless-Bottom Line:

The average cost of *Brunch Culture per modest participant is about $2,400+ per year or $200/month.

*Brunch Culture loosely incorporates the optional Day parties and other Social-get together, while factoring clothing costs, shoe game, makeup, hair care, and transportation. Because God forbid, you merely wanted to socialize – there are rules. From ages 25 to 35, you can easily spend at least $24,000.

The opportunity cost (what you miss out in return):

• Investing $200/month for 10 years at 8% avg market return – $35,200
• A downpayment on a modest home – $20,000 with an additional $4,000 to pay down credit card debt (if any)
• Travels – 6-8 Overseas Trips valued at $24,000
• A Down payment on a home ($20,000) + 1 Overseas mega trip to celebrate.
• or, (Net/Max) – Invest first (Gain $10,000*), buy the home with $20,000 deposit, or take a 2 Trips ($4,000+1,200*).

“You just expect me to stay home?”

Takeaway: I don’t expect you to stay home. I don’t stay home all the time, however, just make sure that these experiences are worth it to you. If not, you will end up spending for ephemeral moments; trying to figure it all out while missing out on homeownership, travel, investments, and more. For those, who aren’t sure how much they are spending, please check your net worth and get on either MINT or PERSONAL CAPITAL. Finally, the DC restaurant game is fire. Just maximum deliciousness. #DC #FortheCulture #GentrifiedCapital #ChocolateCity

Bonus Content: There is always a better way to play the game. If you don’t believe me check this out, How a teen can become a millionaire (with only $16,000):

Don’t get mad at me. Check your parents during the next holiday season and ask why?

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